Heavens, Mister Evans

The one song that didn’t remotely belong in the main narrative arc of the show. But, y’know, fuck the narrative arc!

GARETH EVANS:
It’s always the same
Whenever she walks by
My face is aflame and my mouth goes dry
My pulse is racing
And my heart goes pit-a-pat
And I yearn for Cheryl Kernot, Democrat…

CHERYL KERNOT:
Ever since I was young
Just a little girl
I’ve been wantin’ someone to show me the world
Well, he’s done everything
And he’s been everywhere
He’s Gareth Evans, my foreign affair…

EVANS:
My heart’s in peril, Cheryl, surely I will fall

KERNOT:
Heavens, Mister Evans, how I tremble when you call

BOTH:
But we owe it to our parties
To try and break that spell…

KERNOT:
And also, aren’t you married?

EVANS:
Yes, I am. That as well.

You get under my skin
Like no woman before
By the beard on my chin I swear I want more
You’re an innocent soul
Idealistic and free
Baby won’t you give your pref’rence to me?

KERNOT:
So seductive and strong
You’re a party machine
Though I know that it’s wrong, I’m a little too green

EVANS:
Such a lady of light

KERNOT
Such a powerful brute

BOTH:
Such a thrill to nibble on forbidden fruit…

EVANS:
My heart’s in peril, Cheryl, lovin’ you so much

KERNOT:
Heavens, Mister Evans, how I tingle at your touch

BOTH:
Equally enamoured, but differently aligned…

EVANS:
And also, aren’t you married?

KERNOT:
Yes, I am.

EVANS:
As am I.

BOTH:
Never mind!